“And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” (Mark 12:29-30)
“And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord: And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.” (Mark 12:29-30) One of the greatest challenges we have as mothers is to reach the heart of each of our children. It does no good to simply teach them how to act as Christians if they are not willing to be Christians. There are many adults who are simply going through the motions of Christianity, but their hearts are not in it. The first three kings of Israel act as good examples to us of the heart. Saul had a willful heart. He did what he wanted to do. In 1 Samuel 15, God commanded Saul to completely destroy the Amelakites. Saul decided to keep the best of the sheep and oxen supposedly to sacrifice to God. When Samuel confronts Saul about this, Saul says, “Blessed be thou of the LORD: I have performed the commandment of the LORD.” (1 Samuel 15:13) Had he? God said to destroy them all – everything that lives and breathes among the Amelekites. Saul was willful and did as he wanted to. In verse 25, he simply says, “Pardon my sin and turn again with me that I may worship the Lord.” He still wanted to do what he had proposed in his heart to do. It is said that David served the Lord with his whole heart. This is what we want to emulate and teach our children to follow. Was David perfect? By no means! When he saw Bathsheba bathing, he didn't look away. That was his first mistake. He lusted and he had what he lusted over. It escalated until he had Bathsheba's husband killed. But when his sin was pointed out to him by Nathan the prophet, it grieved him (1 Samuel 12). David admitted that he had sinned against God. We must realize this. Sin is breaking God's law. We must teach our children that sin goes against God. Joseph also resisted temptation by saying, “There is none greater in this house than I; neither hath he kept back any thing from me but thee, because thou art his wife: how then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” (Genesis 39:9) Solomon, with all of his wisdom, served God with half a heart. In 1 Kings 11, the Bible tells us that he was warned not to love the foreign women he took for wives. In verse 3 we are told that his wives turned away his heart. How sad is it that he had all this God-given wisdom, but he didn't apply it to his own life. We need to teach children the wisdom of God and how to use it in their lives. It does no good to study the Word without knowing how to use that knowledge. From these three kings we can learn that as mothers we need to: 1) give up self, 2) serve God wholeheartedly, 3) be willing to acknowledge the sin in our life and make amends publicly, and 4) use the scriptures in our lives.
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"So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom." (Psalms 90:12) A schedule is something that I knew I needed for school, but we just never did. This past spring, I used a scribbled down schedule and found some benefits from it. But this fall, I began the school year with a schedule. It is not written down, but printed out in ink. It is in a protected sleeve, unchangeable. The kids know they cannot write on it and change it. Are we flexible with it? Yes, but the kids are less likely to argue and complain. The schedule is our law and we follow it. It is amazing the difference in our school days! The kids are finishing subjects by lunch and eager to be on 'track' by lunch. Previously, they had spent hours on one subject – to much vexation to their mother and teacher. Lack of a schedule did not work for us, but having one makes all the difference! We are even able to add in an additional Bible reading together. The kids and I read from Proverbs. Most days there is time in the schedule (when they are ahead of schedule) for me to say, “Take a break and read our chapter of Proverbs for the day.” They are happy and eager to comply. And let me just say that reading the Proverbs each day has really helped attitude and behavior – both in them and in me! There's so much in there for daily living. If you homeschool and don't use a schedule, I highly recommend that you make one up, print it out and stick to it! If you don't homeschool, schedule your time around school and you be amazed that you have time to study the Bible together – daily! Remember to be flexible – life happens. The other day something came up that was a good life lesson for the kids and only set their schedule off by ten minutes. Don't stress about it – the life lessons learned are much more important than book learning.
In Dave Ramsey's book, The Total Money Makeover, he says, “The enemy of the best is not the worst, rather it is the good enough.” As a parent, we often ask ourselves, am I doing good enough? If you say that you are good enough, you need to be striving for better!
If growing as a Christian means daily Bible study and prayer, then growing as a parent would mean daily study and prayer as well. Of course the Bible should be our first source of knowledge for the parent, but there are other avenues of learning as well. Here are a few: 1) Books written by a successful Christian parent. Reading books by faithful members of the church is important. We once read a book written by a 'Christian' teaching false doctrine. We tried their method of child rearing only to find it was a total failure. Sticking to God's Word and books written by Christians committed to following the Bible is of utmost importance. One of my favorites is, “Your Mama Don't Dance,” by Glenn and Cindy Colley. 2) Audio and Video offered by faithful Christians. There are some wonderful videos out there provided by Christians dedicated to God's doctrine. One of my favorites is “Faith For Life,” by Brad Harrub. 3) Successful Christian parents. Do not be afraid to ask questions to elders or other Christians who have raised faithful children. One question I asked was, “How did you get your children to be so kind and loving to one another?” Sibling fighting and disagreements is a common issue in our home. 4) Besides these tools, I think a Christian's best (and sometimes little used) avenue is prayer. I'm often reminded of the story of Hezekiah in 2 Kings 19:14 and Isaiah 37:14. Hezekiah received a letter from another country. He was in a quandary as to what to do in response to the letter. So, the first thing he did after reading the letter was to take it to the temple, lay it out before God and petition the Almighty for answers. He received a direct answer from God. Of course, we would not, but there are at least 2 reasons I see for prayer being a wonderful course of action for the parent. One is that it calms our mind and helps us think of verses or bits of wisdom we have received from our study of Christian parenting. Many times the answer will present itself if we simply take a moment in prayer to calm our spirits. The second is that we receive blessings from utilizing the avenue of communication with our Creator. James says, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” (James 1:5-8) When we ask in faith, we receive an answer – not always the answer we want, but God always answers the faithful Christian in one way or another. What are some of your favorite tools provided by faithful Christians? Being in a leadership role was definitely something I shied away from as a newlywed. But being a parent is about being a leader. Our role is not to point them in the right direction and shove them out of the nest to it, but to be someone they choose to follow. A good leader should be a good follower. Have you heard the expression, 'How can you lead where you are not willing to follow?' As a mother, there are two areas where we must be willing to follow. "Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6) He is the way to heaven and is there already. If we aren't willing to follow Him, we'll never make it there. How do we know the way unless we study the Man who is the way? Daily Bible study makes us followers of Him. We have to be willing to follow our husbands. In today's non-traditional world, this is not the norm. But in God's doctrine, it is a must. "But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God." (1 Corinthians 11:3) There are two areas where I wish I had learned to follow my husband sooner. I was not willing to follow where he wanted to lead. One of those areas was financial. If we could have been united in our finances, we could have been debt free sooner. Instead, I was unwilling to listen or follow his lead. Another was in spiritual matters. My husband wants to radically remove media influences in our lives and our children. Again, I was the one dragging my feet to give up the worldly media. How much stronger spiritually could we be as a family if I had been willing to follow in this area? Let your husband lead you on the path to heaven and you will be blessed.
Don't you just hate it when events seem to happen that make you feel terrible? The other day, my husband was fussing. To me it sounded like he was fussing at me. Later he told me that he was mainly upset at himself, but it was something that both of us were doing. I took it so badly! I was stomping around, slamming things around, muttering under my breath. All this took place within the eyes and ears of our children. I was not being the example I should have been. I prayed to be a better example in this area. So, then, the next day, my children were reading Proverbs chapter 12. My daughter was laughing so I was fussing at her for not reading. She told me she was reading, but that something in the first verse was funny. Here's what she read: "Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid." (Proverbs 12:1 - ESV) She was reading it in the NKJV, but it reads about the same. She, of course, was laughing over the word 'stupid.' I talked to her about what it meant and it has become a great teaching tool. But my heart hurt while I was talking to her, because it was talking about me. I was being stupid. I was not learning from my mistakes when someone pointed it out to me. Instead, I was muttering and grumbling and pointing the finger at what he had done. I pray that you learn from my mistake and accept with grace and dignity when you are corrected. Be a better example than I was in this case. "For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it."
(Hebrews 12:11) Today, I'd like to share with you a couple of articles that may be helpful to you.
Recently I was helping some teenagers who were struggling with a difficult home life. I wanted to share with them a verse that helped me when I was growing up to draw strength from my heavenly Father. When I looked up the verse, I happened to see the following verse which I had never considered before. Here are the verses: "When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. Teach me thy way, O LORD, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies." (Psalms 27:10-11) My mother and father had never forsaken me, of course, but as a teen I often felt as if they were against me. I took comfort in knowing that God was always there for me. But what hit me recently upon reading those two verses together was that the Psalmist says to 'Teach me your way.' In order to live in this life we must know His way. In order to deal with our enemies we must know His way. Dear reader and mother, we must learn the way of the Lord to be able to instill it in our children's lives. Our children need to learn and we are their best teacher. We need to teach by example, by our words and our deeds. In this case, more is caught than taught. What we envision our children being when they are grown, we need to be for an example. Read the Word daily and live it daily.
Self-control...those are dreaded words. Each of us in our own way struggle with it in one way or another. I, personally, really feel for this little girl. If I kept staring at that plate of goodies, I'd have it downed in 2 seconds flat. All that would be left of that pile would be a hefty load of guilt in its place. Why is it that we all have struggles like this with something? Because we are all human and have weaknesses in the flesh (Romans 3:23; 5:12). What can we do to help our children overcome some issues with self-control? Here are some things we do to help our children gain control over several areas in their life. Ultimately, a lack of self-control is a root of every sin. James 1:14-15 says, "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. {15} Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death." Consider these verses as well: "Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right." (Proverbs 20:11) "He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls." (Proverbs 25:28) 1. Before dinner begins. This is one of those things we did without really thinking about all the aspects of it. We place all our plates and cups at the table (not on baby's tray) where it is in view of the baby and right in front of older kids. Beginning around age 3 or 4, if they eat before the prayer, their food is moved away from them and they must wait one minute or more before eating after the prayer. They have to sit and watch everyone else eat for a time (time goes up as they get older, but usually it only takes 1 or 2 times) until they are able to eat. Do they cry? YES! But it is so worth it because now they will patiently sit and wait for the prayer. They know they can drink water, but they must wait to drink any other drinks and eat their food. As we've added more children to our family, I see now that our 3rd has learned to wait patiently with the others. Her food is not where she can reach, but she has a patience like I've not seen in a little one before. 2. During dinner. Many times our children want to jump straight to dessert. We give them healthy portions and offer seconds (usually they pass, but not always) and then they must eat fruit before enjoying anything sweet. There have been many times when my son is too full then for sweets even though he'd been begging to eat the donuts for hours. Fill them up with healthy food and they won't want the unhealthy as much. We also, generally, only allow sweets to be eaten one time a day - not breakfast, lunch AND dinner. 3. With their money. This is one area where I'm very impressed with our children's growth. They have chores that they must do just because they breathe, but they have others they must do to get paid (No allowance at our house.) and others that they can do for extra pay if they choose and have extra time. Payday is on Monday. They are taught to give at least 10% to the church out of that. They set that aside on Monday and have to keep it separate all week in order to give on Sunday. I'm not sure if you can even call this self-discipline as it has become a natural reaction. Another way they use self-discipline in money is that we encourage them to save for a large item. This requires patience (sometimes 3-4 months) as well as self-discipline to pile up that money. My son has saved $75 for a game system and was able to buy some games the very next week because of all the work he'd done to earn the money as well. This also eliminates, or at least greatly reduces, the begging and whining at the store. If one of our children wants a toy or a special sweet treet that we are not planning to buy it is easy to say, "you can buy that with your money if you want it." It is amazing what they can pass by if it is their own money that has to be spent. We still have parental veto power. (See my other post on money and kids here.) 4. Day to day discipline. There are things they struggle with over and over (every child has something they do often) each day. We as parents can help by staying ever vigilant in our disciplining (a self-discipline exercise for us!) and discipline them each and every time. It's not easy, I've failed in this area as well, but we must keep on and do better everyday for our children's sakes! 5. Test them. My son has a bad habit of staying up in his room and reading until midnight or later. We recently discovered the problem. Sometimes we take the book away, but not always. My husband started this and I questioned his wisdom in this area. I agree with his answer. Our son cannot always have us take his 'thorn in the flesh' away from him. He needs to learn his own self-discipline to obey his parents even when the opportunity is there tempting him. He has failed a few times and been disciplined for it, but he is beginning to gain some strength in this area and we are proud of him. 6. Prayer. Pray for them and encourage them to pray for themselves. "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16) 7. Be an example. This one hurts for me to include because it is an area where I fail - often. Even in your failings though, be an example. Ask for forgiveness and pray to change. These are some of the things that we do. I'm sure there are a bunch of better ideas out there. Please share in the comments some things you do or you've seen others do that you'd like to emulate.
I've always been enamored by the story of Joseph (Genesis 36, 38-50). Since I was the youngest of 4 children (and often felt mistreated by one sister and a brother), I felt a kinship with Joseph. He was favored by his father, but hated by his brothers - 10 of his older brothers. Hated enough to be sold into slavery.
Before Joseph reached his 20th birthday, he was separated from his family and found himself working for Potiphar. From all appearances, he was the best slave to Potiphar. If it weren't for the fact that Potiphar's wife had eyes for him, Joseph would have had it made. One day, his master's wife was forceful and wanted him to lay with her. Joseph refused and was forced to flee - even leaving behind his clothing. The wicked woman then lied about Joseph to her husband. Potiphar responded by sending Joseph to prison. Although my favorite part is the ending to the story, it is this situation that I want us to focus on today. When faced with temptation, this godly man ran. He got out of the situation. In fact, he said, "How can I do this great wickedness and sin against God?" (Genesis 39:9) He recognized that the sin wouldn't be against his master only, but against God as well. As mothers, we need to prepare our children how to handle temptation. Here are some ways we can prepare them to be godly men and women one day: 1. Flee fornication. Children should be taught to get far away from tempting situations. Joseph was a good example to us to get away from the situation. He'd first used his words, but when that didn't work, Joseph got away. We should be an example also and teach our children the same. 2. Help children realize that our sins hurt God. Jesus died for our sin, so our sins hurt him. "Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed." (1 Peter 2:24) 3. Keep their eyes on good things. Once, our family took a trip and everyday our route took us past a place where college students would gather at a river in immodest clothing. Thankfully, we did find a different path to take away from it towards the end of our trip, but we had to deal with it several days. Knowing that your eyes often travel were they shouldn't (the 'don't look down' idea), instead we told our children to look at something on the other side. Or we got them interested in a book inside the van. We should train our selves to focus on the good and pure in the world, instead of the worldliness around us. David should have learned this lesson before he kept his eyes on the beautiful Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11:2-3). Peter also took his eyes off Jesus to see the storm (Mark 14:28-31). "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." (Philippians 4:8) 4. Know that God will help them. God will answer prayer and help us in times of trouble. Our children should hear us pray for strength when we need it. "There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1 Corinthians 10:13) 5. Maintain friendships with like- minded individuals. There is a time to be among people of the world, to teach them and to be an example before them. However, we need to realize that too much of this is not a good thing. "Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners." (1 Corinthians 15:33) Instead we should be like the first Christians, who were with each other everyday. "And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart..." (Acts 2:46) 6. Avoid being prideful. Often those that are proud of themselves fall soon after. "Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall." (1 Corinthians 10:12) It is not our own power within ourselves that makes us strong, but Christ in us that makes us strong. "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." (Philippians 4:13) 7. Study the Word of God. King David wrote in the Psalms, "Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee." (Psalms 119:11) The only record we have of Jesus being tempted, He used scripture to fight against the temptations of Satan, every time (Matthew 4; Luke 4). Shouldn't we do the same? Last week we discussed about the wife/mother's responsibilities regarding money in the home. This week, let's take a look at things we can do to teach our children about money. It is important that kids be taught about money in the family. So many times I think parents are leaving all the teaching up to the schools. Most schools do not teach personal finances beyond balancing a check book. Once they reach college, young men and women are bombarded with credit card offers, financing offers, and a million things they want. The world is full of tempting things and they need to be taught self-discipline and how to manage their money. The time to teach them is when they are young, but don't despair if they are older and you are just beginning. Just do it! I am not an expert, but I would like to share with you some things that we teach our children about their money. Many of these concepts are taught by Dave Ramsey in his Financial Peace, Jr. Some of these things are simply our own making. Each family is different, you do what is best for your family. First of all, teach children that our blessings come from God. Money is a gift that we are given to use wisely. Jesus taught some parables concerning money and these are wonderful Biblical examples of how to handle money. (For examples: Matthew 18; 25 and Luke 15 among others.) Because money is from God, we should first give back to Him (1 Corinthians 16:2). Many people give to God out of what they receive and forget that God should come first before the government gets their taxes. We should teach our children that God should come first before everything else (Mark 12:30). The concept that material things should come from an effort or work is taught in the scriptures. "For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat." (2 Thessalonians 3:10) For us, this means that our children have to do a certain amount of work simply because he or she breathes. They put their dirty dishes in the kitchen, put the clean dishes away, clean their rooms and feed their pets without pay. This teaches them that life is about work. Everyone in life has certain jobs they must do simply because they exist. This is a concept that children can learn early. As soon as they can stand up and understand the concept (about 1 yr old), they can pick up their toys and put them in the toy box. A few years ago, an elder's wife gave me some good advice. She told me that when her children were small (even as small as 4 or 5) and they wanted a toy, she would come up with jobs around the house they could do to earn the money for that item. After her children were grown they had learned a valuable lesson. Not only were they taught the ethics of working to earn money, but they were taught to save for the things they wanted as well. In our household, the children are given about 5 jobs that they must complete daily (or most every day) in addition to their regular chores. They must complete these jobs to earn the money. Then, they have a few jobs they could choose to do for extra money. I look at it this way: in life, when they have a job, they have certain jobs they have to do, but there are always extra jobs (overtime opportunities for example) that they could choose to do for extra money. According to Dave Ramsey, you choose a few jobs (less for younger children) and you assign a monetary value to it. Say, if they fold the towels they get $.25. Each time this job is done, mark them down on the chart. They are paid on Sunday evening (sometimes Monday at our house because Daddy has to go to the bank and cash his check before kids are paid) and they set aside their money for God for the following Sunday. This teaches them restraint. That money is in their 'church' bank and is not theirs, but belongs to God. Encourage your pre-teens and teenagers to begin thinking about saving for a car, for college, even for retirement. Check out this example about Ben and Arthur. Arthur only saves for 8 years and yet he could end up with as much as $2.2 million! Saving not for the love of money, but for the peace of mind that it provides for them and for their loved ones. Whatever system you use to teach your children about money, let the Bible be your guide. Teach them to be wise in the area of finances. "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. But thou, O man of God, flee these things; and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness." (1 Timothy 6:6-11) |