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Self-control...those are dreaded words. Each of us in our own way struggle with it in one way or another. I, personally, really feel for this little girl. If I kept staring at that plate of goodies, I'd have it downed in 2 seconds flat. All that would be left of that pile would be a hefty load of guilt in its place. Why is it that we all have struggles like this with something? Because we are all human and have weaknesses in the flesh (Romans 3:23; 5:12). What can we do to help our children overcome some issues with self-control? Here are some things we do to help our children gain control over several areas in their life. Ultimately, a lack of self-control is a root of every sin. James 1:14-15 says, "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. {15} Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death." Consider these verses as well: "Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right." (Proverbs 20:11) "He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls." (Proverbs 25:28) 1. Before dinner begins. This is one of those things we did without really thinking about all the aspects of it. We place all our plates and cups at the table (not on baby's tray) where it is in view of the baby and right in front of older kids. Beginning around age 3 or 4, if they eat before the prayer, their food is moved away from them and they must wait one minute or more before eating after the prayer. They have to sit and watch everyone else eat for a time (time goes up as they get older, but usually it only takes 1 or 2 times) until they are able to eat. Do they cry? YES! But it is so worth it because now they will patiently sit and wait for the prayer. They know they can drink water, but they must wait to drink any other drinks and eat their food. As we've added more children to our family, I see now that our 3rd has learned to wait patiently with the others. Her food is not where she can reach, but she has a patience like I've not seen in a little one before. 2. During dinner. Many times our children want to jump straight to dessert. We give them healthy portions and offer seconds (usually they pass, but not always) and then they must eat fruit before enjoying anything sweet. There have been many times when my son is too full then for sweets even though he'd been begging to eat the donuts for hours. Fill them up with healthy food and they won't want the unhealthy as much. We also, generally, only allow sweets to be eaten one time a day - not breakfast, lunch AND dinner. 3. With their money. This is one area where I'm very impressed with our children's growth. They have chores that they must do just because they breathe, but they have others they must do to get paid (No allowance at our house.) and others that they can do for extra pay if they choose and have extra time. Payday is on Monday. They are taught to give at least 10% to the church out of that. They set that aside on Monday and have to keep it separate all week in order to give on Sunday. I'm not sure if you can even call this self-discipline as it has become a natural reaction. Another way they use self-discipline in money is that we encourage them to save for a large item. This requires patience (sometimes 3-4 months) as well as self-discipline to pile up that money. My son has saved $75 for a game system and was able to buy some games the very next week because of all the work he'd done to earn the money as well. This also eliminates, or at least greatly reduces, the begging and whining at the store. If one of our children wants a toy or a special sweet treet that we are not planning to buy it is easy to say, "you can buy that with your money if you want it." It is amazing what they can pass by if it is their own money that has to be spent. We still have parental veto power. (See my other post on money and kids here.) 4. Day to day discipline. There are things they struggle with over and over (every child has something they do often) each day. We as parents can help by staying ever vigilant in our disciplining (a self-discipline exercise for us!) and discipline them each and every time. It's not easy, I've failed in this area as well, but we must keep on and do better everyday for our children's sakes! 5. Test them. My son has a bad habit of staying up in his room and reading until midnight or later. We recently discovered the problem. Sometimes we take the book away, but not always. My husband started this and I questioned his wisdom in this area. I agree with his answer. Our son cannot always have us take his 'thorn in the flesh' away from him. He needs to learn his own self-discipline to obey his parents even when the opportunity is there tempting him. He has failed a few times and been disciplined for it, but he is beginning to gain some strength in this area and we are proud of him. 6. Prayer. Pray for them and encourage them to pray for themselves. "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." (James 5:16) 7. Be an example. This one hurts for me to include because it is an area where I fail - often. Even in your failings though, be an example. Ask for forgiveness and pray to change. These are some of the things that we do. I'm sure there are a bunch of better ideas out there. Please share in the comments some things you do or you've seen others do that you'd like to emulate.
2 Comments
I struggle with patience, and self control, and self discipline all the time in my parenting journey. I see how my lack of structure affects everyone. I get tired,and distracted, and in the meantime, everyone else gets grouchy, fussy, fighting, and being defiant. When I structure their day, they actually relax, and enjoy the smooth flow of things. The behavior of everyone, especially my little boys is so much better. Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
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