If our children are going to remain faithful to God in a time of trials and persecution there are some things we have to do to prepare them for something we have never faced before. One of those things is . . .
Live Light

After looking at Making Money Matter, you might be thinking that I am saying everything is bad. That is not how I feel about it. How is it justifiable to go out to eat,  have cars, TV’s, nice clothes, houses, etc. and be growing closer to God? How can a car help my relationship with God? How does going out to eat (which my daughter and I did last night) get me closer to Heaven? The answer lies in our attitudes and motivations, in other words, the why we have it and how we use it. A car can be used to take someone to the bar or casino, or it can be used to take someone to church or a doctor. A car can be a status symbol we use to show how important and cool we think we are or it can be a functional tool that we use to serve others. Similarly, eating out costs more than a home cooked meal (dinner with my daughter was about $20 which is about double what it cost for all 7 of our family to eat dinner the night before), so, why choose to spend money that way? Simply because relationships are more important than money. My daughter and I were able to have some special time together to talk and bond with each other which ultimately will help in the effort to get her to Heaven. That certainly doesn’t mean that I should take her out every night because then it is not a special occasion but just a routine that no longer develops the relationship. It is possible to do special things that don’t cost more money, and we need to do that as well. In fact, in the absence of resources we can be creative to find ways to do things that are special to build relationships.

Money is not to be our god, but a tool we use to get closer to God and bring others closer to God. We must also be sure that we don’t worship and serve our possessions (or any of the things the money buys), but make sure they serve us. When I say that we need to teach kids to live light there is a literal need for us to avoid having too much stuff, and a desperate need to intellectually and emotionally separate our selves from the stuff. If there is a time of persecution, one of the things that would quickly be lost is possessions. We sing the song “This World Is Not My Home”, but we seem to try to make it our home by the possessions we accumulate. I remember reading about a missionary’s child who grew up learning that everything was either a tool or an idol. Think about some possession that is precious to you and how you would feel if it were stolen or destroyed in a fire, or broken by one of your children or grandchildren. Are you imagining or maybe remembering those feelings? How does that feel? How important is that thing in the scope of your life? How important is it in consideration of eternity? 

I am not saying that we should not take care of the things in our possession, the Bible teaches good stewardship. Being neglectful or destructive with our possessions or the possessions of others is not good stewardship. If you had to flee what would you take with you? How much of that precious stuff could you fit in your car in an emergency escape setting? Again, I am not saying that it is sinful to have nice things in your nice house, but that emotionally and intellectually we have to count it as already lost. If there is something so dear to us that we could not leave it behind to save our selves and our families from capture or death there is a problem. There is no item that is more precious than human life, even a one of a kind antique or work of art. And, if that is true of physical life, how much more true of spiritual life? Jesus asked what a man would give in exchange for his soul, and that is something we should ask ourselves about every thing in our lives. 

I remember reading about the discoveries in Pompeii several years ago. They found one woman who appeared to be running away from the lava, but who had seemingly turned around to reach back for something when the lava overtook her. What had been so important that she would turn back toward certain death? Was she trying to save another person, maybe a child? No, as they continued to dig they found she was reaching back for some jewelry. She might not have been able to escape regardless, but one wonders how much time she wasted getting those things instead of just getting out. How many times had she dropped something and stopped to pick them up taking away even more precious time? Jesus warned about the destruction of another city, Jerusalem, and exhorted people to flee without going back for anything, just run for your life. Because of his warning the Christians escaped Jerusalem before it was destroyed, but they lost houses, lands, possessions, and even family that did not believe.

The fact is when persecution arises things will become much less important in the scheme of things. However, if we wait for persecution before putting things in perspective we will fail to make the corrections if the persecution does not come, and that could cost us our eternal life. In order to avoid that we need to adjust our priorities now. Paul talked about the difference in mindset that we should have as Christians. In Philippians 3:7-9 he says he counts all things as loss for Christ and even compares them to dung. We need to prepare emotionally and mentally to give up possessions so that it will not be difficult to literally and physically give them up when the time comes. We will give them all up at death ready or not. It is good to actually give up some things along the way. Most of us could probably give up half of what we have and not be impacted significantly. We have closets full of clothes and only wear 20% of them plus we have more packed away somewhere. There is a multi-million dollar industry that rents space for people to store stuff that they can’t fit in their houses, garages, sheds, etc. Much of that stuff has not even been seen in months or years and people are buying more stuff to put in their already overpacked houses. If evolution were true humans would not have evolved from apes, but from packrats. 

It never ceases to amaze me that we constantly have these amazing inventions that are supposed to save us so much time, and yet, everyone I meet has less time than people did just a generation or two ago. It we invent many more of these marvelous time-saving contraptions we may need a time machine to go with them so that we can go back in time to have enough time to use them. Remember when people had time to sit on the porch and talk or sit around the table and play games with each other, or read books, etc.? Things seem to be taking control of our lives. We have to work more to make more to have more that costs more and takes more of our time. We are in danger of being possessed by our own possessions! Who owns who?

Don’t think that I am perfect at this or have figured out what is necessary and what is excess, but the fact is the Bible teaches us that we should be content with food and clothing. Can you imagine life with only food and a little clothing? I know I can’t. Many years ago they asked about necessities and made a list. It was a good bit longer than food, shelter, and clothing, but not nearly as long as the one they did several years later that had over 100 items on it. I wonder what the list of things considered necessities would be today. If we don’t learn to live light and teach our children to do the same, then we will be too weighed down to rise and meet Jesus in the air when he returns. - jp

If our children are going to remain faithful to God in a time of trials and persecution there are some things we have to do to prepare them for something we have never faced before. One of those things is . . . Make Money Matter

As Christians our focus should be spiritual, but we live in a physical world and money is a part of that world. We will be judged for how we deal with money, possessions, and our stewardship of them. Too many Christians in America spend more money each year on late fees and interest for their debt than they give to the work of the Lord. That can’t be called good stewardship. In Luke 16:1-13 Jesus tells a parable and makes some statements about money, stewardship, and using them in relationships. The fact is that Christ had more to say about money than many other subjects. It has been said that there are over 800 verses about money in the Bible. God even established a monetary system for his nation, Israel, and though He did not do that with His church, He does give guidance for us on how to handle it. 

One of the things that Jesus taught while He was here was that His followers should be wise as serpents and harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16). In one of His parables (Luke 16:1-13) His lesson is that we should use money to develop our relationships, or we might say invest in our friendships instead of using our friends, family and other relationships to make money. The reason He gives is that when necessary our relationships can be more powerful resources than money. That being said money can be an extremely helpful tool when it is used wisely and is the servant and not the master.

Consider men like Barnabas who were able to sell land and help the needy in the Jerusalem church. How was he able to do that? If he had not wisely handled his financial affairs in the past he would not have had any means to help in the time of need. Jesus promised there will always be those who are poor (Mark 14:7). Even in the church there will be those who need financial help for one reason or another. This will be especially true as the level of negativity toward Christians increases to the point that there is discrimination against them or they lose income and/or employment as a result of standing for what is right and refusing to commit sins to keep those jobs or that income.

While life is not about the accumulation of wealth, the Bible does teach us to take care of our own household and management of money as well as other resources is a necessary part of obeying that teaching. The Bible says in Proverbs 21:20 that wise people have treasure and oil, but foolish people spend everything. By that definition many of us in America are foolish because we spend everything and then borrow more and spend that too. The problem is that at some point that comes to an end. In Jesus’ parable of the wise and foolish virgins the wise had extra oil with them and the foolish ran out. Most in our society would think that the ones who had some oil should share with the ones that ran out, but Jesus doesn’t have them do that in the story and he calls them wise for refusing. Their answer when asked to share was that if they did they would not have enough for themselves. God loves sharing, but sharing is to come from a surplus not from what is needed for the individual or his family.

Considering all of these things we need to quit spending wastefully and store up resources for our families’ needs during difficult times. It doesn’t matter whether it is an actual persecution of Christians, or a natural disaster, illness, lost job, war, or any other emergency that occurs; money and resources will be useful.
We must emphasize our trust in God, but also our obedience to his teachings about caring for our families.

  According to a recent news article that you can read at the NY Post site, there are some people who have lost their minds about parenting in our society. What is worse is that they have pushed someone who was trying to do what was right into apologizing for doing the right thing. The gist of the story goes this way: a father was going to take his son out to eat (Not so bad yet). The boy didn’t want to go to that restaurant and threw a tantrum (Ever been there). The boy wanted to go to McDonald’s (No big surprise there). What should a good parent do? Reward the tantrum? I’ll be honest this father was much softer than I tend to be. He told the boy they could go anywhere except McDonald’s or not eat. See I would say forget it you can have a sandwich at home. This boy chose to make his stand ‘take me to McDonald’s’. Do you know why he made the stand? Because he knew he would win (Only he didn’t win, everyone lost). At this point in the standoff mom comes to the ‘rescue’ and takes Junior to McDonald’s just like he wanted.

  Now mom who was the ‘bad’ parent in this sequence of events is in court trying to have the father found unfit because he wouldn’t give in to the kid’s hissy fit. The father has been beaten down to the point that he is quoted in the story as saying that he wished he had taken the boy to McDonald’s. Now this is a divorce / child custody battle and I am sure that there are many other things involved, but this part is pretty simple no one wins when selfish childish outbursts are rewarded and not disciplined. What do you think about it? - jp

In honor of our new vlog/blog combo on entertainment - Shameless Fun - I wanted to share an odd story that was in the news a few days back. The story reported on a family that complained on a flight because an inappropriate movie was shown and their young children were being exposed to it. According to the story they were not belligerent or mean-spirited about it, but the pilot diverted the plane and had them escorted off the plane by police to be questioned by the FBI as though they were terrorists. 

It is such a surreal story that I can't imagine what it must have been like to be that family. It is not hard to say the airline pilot was out of control and abused his position of authority or even that the airline should think before showing a PG-13 movie on a flight that could easily have young children without providing a way for them to opt out. We could even bemoan our society that allows the making of a movie containing "violence including disturbing images and homicide, sexual content (including bondage - imdb.com), language (including using God's name in vain as well as the "f-word" - imdb.com parents guide), drug references, and nudity" or even worse thinks that it is appropriate for someone 13 years old. 

Because those things are easy, they have been covered ad nauseam, but I want to ask some deeper questions of us. It is easy to point at everyone and there is always plenty of blame to go around, but I wonder - Would I have complained?, Would you have complained?, Would I have complained if my kids were not with me?, Would you have complained if your kids were not there? I am afraid that we have become so used to the entertainment mentality that we might just sit there and convince ourselves that we could just ignore it, or just watch it and think that it would not affect us. We might conclude in such a setting that there is nothing we could do and therefore do nothing. I have never been in this setting, but I should be able to decide before being there what I should and would do. It takes the pressure off in the circumstance if decisions have been made beforehand.

What decisions do you need to make today so that you won't be trying to decide under the gun?
 - jp

Think about this quote for a minute: “Anytime we think the problem is ‘out there’, that thought is the problem. We disempower ourselves.” I read this and my first thought was: But there are problems out there. Then I thought about it a little more and realized the author was not saying that external problems don’t exist, rather that the problems we need to address are inside us. If everyone else was just like me there would be problems out there, so I need to work on my problems as a worker, Christian, husband, father, son, etc. In every role of my life there are things I need to do to make my life and the lives of those around me better.

Instead of griping about everyone else it is time for me to do what I can do and leave the rest up to God. Reportedly written in 1100 AD by an unknown monk, the following describes the fallacy most of us make. 

               When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. I found it was difficult 
               to change the world, so I tried to change my nation. When I found I couldn't 
               change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and 
               as an older man, I tried to change my family. Now, as an old man, I realize the 
               only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had 
               changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I 
               could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the 
               nation and I could indeed have changed the world."

It is always easier to look for fault and place blame with everyone else, but it is much more effective to take responsibility for ourselves. I think about the recent brouhaha about Victoria’s Secret’s marketing campaign. It didn’t really affect me because I don’t shop there and I don’t go to the mall. It didn’t really affect my wife or my kids because they don’t shop there or go to the mall. If enough people who did shop there and were offended by it would stop shopping there the policy would change instantly. It is convenient to blame the evil corporation that is corrupting young people, but honestly, no business that wants to stay in business (and certainly not a national brand) creates an entire product line without having studied what will sell and what their target audience wants to buy. Sometimes they miss, but most of the time they know what the consumer wants. I can guarantee that some of the people who have screamed the loudest about the problems with that product will not change their own shopping habits or those of their family over the issue, and the young daughters of some of them will be wearing the things they griped about. What about you and me? Not necessarily about this specific thing, but in all areas of life. Do we change the way we live to reflect the principles that we hold to be true, or do we change our principles to fit in with those around us? - jp

If our children are going to remain faithful to God in a time of trials and persecution there are some things we have to do to prepare them for something we have never faced before. One of those things is . . .
Build Boundaries

I can’t draw boundary lines for your family and you can’t draw them for mine. That is hard for us because we wouldn’t believe what we do if we didn’t think it was right, but there must be room for the authority God has given fathers and mothers to decide what is best for their children. We need to support each other’s right to draw lines for our own families and defend those who are persecuted for drawing lines in their lives even if we do not draw the same line. There are some things that are a matter of conscience and for someone to violate his conscience the Bible calls sin (1 Corinthians 8:10-12; 1 Peter 2:19). We must study Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8 and realize that God has given certain authority to the father of the family and not the church to decide some things. For example: I have decided with my wife that our children will not be allowed to spend the night with friends where we are not present. Based on our own experiences and other dangers that we know exist we are not willing to allow that. You may not agree or even understand why we have made that decision, but that doesn’t matter, you should respect the right of our family to decide that. There are other things that do not always make sense to others looking in from outside, but that are an important part of one families rules. When I was young I would go to a friend’s house and when we came in the door his mother would tell us to take off our shoes. My family never did that, but at their house I did because it was their rule. It never made much sense to me at the time, but looking back I realize that since they lived on a farm there were probably some pretty nasty things on those shoes that they did not want tracked all through the house.

God never gives a responsibility to someone and makes them accountable to Him unless He has also given that person the authority and power to fulfill the responsibility. When God tells husbands and fathers that they are the head of the house they have the power, authority, and information necessary to fulfill that responsibility and will be held accountable with what has been entrusted to them. If fathers (or mothers for that matter) shirk their responsibility they will have to answer to God for that. What are you doing to lead your family in the right direction?

So where will your family draw the lines? Only you can answer that, but let me give you some questions to consider. 

1. Has your family drawn lines regarding use of language (Cursing, lying, using God’s name in vain, etc.) that are not to be crossed?
2. Has your family made boundaries in the sexual arena (dating, premarital sex, flirting, sexting, etc.) for your self, spouse, children maturing into adulthood?
3. Has your family set guidelines for time usage (things that are a waste of time and shouldn’t be done, things that must be done before others, activities with time limits, etc.) that help everyone in the family be productive?
4. Has your family determined out of bounds markers on money matters (amounts to save, give and spend, discussion between husband and wife before spending, budgeting, kids’ spending, what kinds of things should never be bought, etc.) to avoid materialism, affluenza, poverty, greed, government dependence, etc?
5. Has your family fenced off negative entertainment and fenced in positive entertainment to keep minds pure and attitudes positive?
6. Has your family defined proper and improper behaviors in your home and in public?
7. Has your family determined what is a sufficient reason to miss worship or other spiritually beneficial activities?
8. Has your family decided what teachings or practices would cause you to leave one church for another?
9. Has your family outlined priorities based on principles you believe are most important?
10. Has your family clearly marked the limit of government interference, intrusion, coercion, etc. that you will allow before saying we must obey God rather than man? 
11. Has your family drawn a line in education (safety, things taught, private school cost, home schooling, etc.) about what you will or won’t allow for your children?

There may be other areas that you need to consider, and if so, consider them and make a decision. As in many other areas of life, so in the area of drawing boundary lines: not deciding is deciding not to. If you don’t build the walls and draw the lines someone else will do it for you and you may not like the results. Remember that there may be new information that could change some things for your family, so the things you have put down need to be reviewed an a regular basis to make sure they are still in line with your family culture and values as well as your knowledge and understanding of the Bible. For example: as you learn and grow as a Christian some things that you once allowed you may realize should not have been allowed, but other things that you were dogmatic about you may realize were family traditions and not Biblical principles and you may want to go a different direction from the way your parents or grandparents or siblings went. - jp

We are a weird family! That is one of our goals so it is no surprise that we have hit that goal. One area where we have aimed to be strange is in the area of entertainment. We avoid shows, even Disney cartoons that teach messages that we don’t want to fight against constantly. We push what would be called edutainment by many people. Digger Doug, Bible shows, Bound, etc. We listen to Bible songs or an educational type book-on-CD when we are in the car.

Tonight, scary success, we were going to play a game together, but as I sit typing this instead of a game my 11- and 8- year-olds are watching a show they begged to watch. Is it a cartoon? No. Is it a children’s show? No. They both begged to watch one of Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University classes on DVD. 

We want them to learn to handle money from the beginning so they don’t have $45,000 in debt to work their way out of as adults like we did, but we didn’t really think they were that interested yet. Normal is broke, weird is better. It is not just in this area that we want to be weird. I just hope we are making as much of an impact in other areas.

What are some of the successes you have had in your family? - jp

If our children are going to remain faithful to God in a time of trials and persecution there are some things we have to do to prepare them for something we have never faced before. One of those things is . . . Build Boundaries

How far will you go? What will you not do? What will you do? At what point will you do it? Where is the line drawn? The problem we have in many areas of our life is that our boundaries are ambiguous and subjective rather than clearly measurable and objective. We might say, or think, for example, if ________is too bad / gets too bad / gets much worse / etc. then I am going to get mad / do something about it / look at my options / have to think about quitting or leaving / etc. What problems with those kinds of statements can you see? How do we define “too bad” or “much worse”? Instead of those vaguely threatening type statements we need to say something more like: “If there is alcohol at the party I will not go / stay.” or “If there is nudity / cursing / sin glorified / etc. I will not go to that movie or watch that show.”  or “If the school teaches evolution / homosexuality / etc. are right I will not let my children continue going to school there.” The building of boundaries is essential for Christians in many areas not just these 3 examples.  What a difference it makes when you set a specific boundary that you will not cross!

Martin Luther King Jr. said, “The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” In our society too many times people don’t stand anywhere even in time of comfort and convenience. How would they ever stand under difficult circumstances. There is also the old saying that the man who won’t stand for something will fall for anything. The Bible tells us to stand in multiple ways multiple times. We are told to be steadfast in 11 verses. We are told to stand or stand fast over 15 times. We are also told to hold fast or hold on another 10+ times. A big problem is knowing where to stand: What are the things that really matter? What is worth spending time, energy, and money fighting? What battlefield is worth dying on and which one should be abandoned? What is worth living for and what is worth dying for? What would be worth losing your soul over?

We quickly say, “nothing” to that last question, but if we do not draw lines with indelible ink we will find ourselves erasing lines and drawing new ones a little further away from God each time. God does not change, His law has not changed for 2000 years and won’t change as long as the Earth remains. We discussed in a Bible class recently just how much we have really compromised already. We may not have even realized it, but when a TV show that is supposedly for young children uses God’s name in vain there is a problem. Look at what people who consider themselves Christians accept now that they would not have 50 years ago and it is obvious, but when we look at this year versus last year we don’t see much difference. That is the way Satan works many times, gradually pushing us a little at a time until we are falling off the cliff. Television is one of the easiest to see the difference. 50 years ago: there were no homosexual characters, much less homosexual couples and kisses; adultery was unacceptable, divorce a rarity; there was some immodesty, but nothing compared to today; parents were smarter than their children and disobedience was corrected; there was respect for authority; violence was limited; there was almost no bad language; and although alcohol and cigarettes were present in some shows, no other drugs were used. Compare that with today’s shows and there is a stark contrast, but if we compare 2013 with 2012 it doesn’t seem any worse. In fact, some years it may even seem to get better than the year before.

Now consider the federal government’s authority and compare what is demanded now compared to 50, 100, or 200 years ago in this country. Quit looking at last month or last year, but use a wider lens to look at the direction our government has been moving overall from its founding until now. Watching videos like The Silencing of God or America’s Most Pressing Concern may help you see the incredible difference between the principles upon which this country was founded and the principles that are currently driving it away from God and toward destruction. When this country was founded, for example, the freedom of speech was included in the Bill of Rights along with other rights to freedoms like religion, bearing arms, not being searched without reason, etc. In fact, the first amendment in the Bill of Rights says, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” Compare that with recent laws that restrict speech and attempts to label the condemnation of certain sinful behaviors as hate speech that needs to be punished, or laws that make it more difficult to assemble, especially to protest the Government (like HR 347), without fear of reprisal. 

How long will churches stand for what God says if they could be sued or if preachers and elders could be arrested for the things that are taught? How long will you continue to support the church if it stands against sin? What would cause you to decide to leave a congregation? The issue we are talking about is one of the reasons that many remain in a congregation that has slowly moved into apostasy. In the 1820's or 1950's it would have seemed unthinkable that congregations full of faithful Christians would ever have to worry about the problems of instrumental music, but 50-60 years after that in the 1870's-80's and now look what happened. It would have seemed impossible to most in the church that there would be a problem in the Lord’s church with women wanting to step outside their God-given roles and take on leadership positions even 30 years ago, but look where we are today. So even though we think the church will not give in on an issue like same-sex marriage, homosexual preachers, or any other controversial area we must realize that some will. What if it is the one where you are a member? What will you do? Will you stay or will you go? At what point will you say it has gone too far? 

We will continue looking at this concept on an individual family level next time. - jp

Your children WILL face thing you never imagined! About three years ago in a meeting with some church leaders and teenage boys, one of the boys asked what to most of the older men seemed to be a foolish and ridiculous question. The young man asked what would happen if you married a woman and then found out that she was not really a woman. Some of the men immediately berated him for even asking such a question, but even though at this point it would be a rather rare event and might seem insane, I have seen at least 3 news stories this past year (one today that reminded me of these events) where just that or something similar had happened, and I imagine it will become more common in the future as people become more and more wicked. I know that sometimes teens are just acting out with foolishness, but other times there are real questions and fears that they have that we need to help them deal with in a Christian way.

Instead of ignoring this question, I helped to point them toward a good way to avoid that and many other dangers involved in marriage. While you can not avoid every danger out there, you can limit the possibilities. We often spend all of our time talking about divorce and remarriage doctrine rather than helping our young people prepare for a successful marriage and then helping those who are married to make it work. That is a huge mistake, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I talked to them about the importance of spending a large amount of time getting to know the person before marriage. Meet the family, learn everything you can about their past, present, and plans and hopes for the future. I impressed upon them that it is essential to marry a Christian, but that even that is no promise of clear sailing. Christians have pasts and some of them are not pleasant. They may have been vying with Paul to be chief of sinners before becoming a Christian. Even those who grew up in a Christian home may have been exposed to all kinds of sinful habits that they are still struggling with. 

Now that homosexual marriage has been legalized in several states there will be problems that will arise in dealing with people who may be converted out of that sinfulness. What do you tell a young woman who was a lesbian and was married to another woman in one of these states, but who now wants to become a Christian and go straight and might want to find a Christian man and marry and have a family? Many would not even know where to begin. Our children may have to deal with these kinds of strange circumstances and no telling what others that we can’t imagine. The first century church had to deal with new problems on a continual basis, and they might have had some similar problems to those of our society. The church in Corinth had members that had come from all kinds of sinful backgrounds including homosexuality, and it was a challenge for them to keep going in the right direction without falling back into their old sinful habits. 

How can you prepare for something you can’t even imagine? It isn’t easy, but the best way is to have a deep understanding of Biblical principles so that you can apply them to different circumstances. The concept is fairly simple: there are many things that are not mentioned specifically in the Bible, but that violate principles. When we consider addictions such as gambling, pornography, or even drugs we realize that there is not a verse that says, ‘don’t do _______’, but the Bible does teach us not to be brought under the power of anything, 1 Corinthians 6:12. So, why can’t we learn to do the same thing in all kinds of areas of life? We can, but we often don’t because we don’t know the Bible well enough to actually put two and two together to get four. If we will study and learn the Bible’s teaching and principles better we will make better choices. That is the only way to prepare for things that don’t just have a ‘thou shalt not’ verse.
jp

I have been doing this post for about a year now, as you can see this is #51. I think in many ways it has probably helped me more than any of you who are reading it. There is something about putting thoughts down in a concrete way that makes you think about them more thoroughly than you otherwise would. Something may seem like a good idea in your head, but when you actually put it out there and read it you may realize that it is stupid, or someone else may help you realize that it is stupid. That kind of thing happens to me a bunch and I scrap the whole thing and start over, but it helps to have a clearer picture of what does make sense so I can course correct.

One of the problems many of us men have is that we stubbornly hold on to what is not working. Men have often been accused of not stopping to ask for directions when they are lost. We could probably all tell about an article of clothing that we have that wouldn't even make a good rag anymore. As fathers and expecially as Christian fathers we must honestly examine our lives and throw out the bad so that we can bring in more good.

Dr. Henry Cloud has written a book called Necessary Endings. He is not a member of the church, and this is not a "Christian" book, it is more along the lines of psychology and sociology. I have not read this book, although it is on my list, but I have heard him discuss it in an interview and I read an earlier book he wrote called Boundaries which is a must read for preachers and counselors and just about everyone who has a family member that is too involved in their lives. The point of Necessary Endings is that we have to stop doing things that do not work. One of the examples he gives is of GM and their Pontiac brand. They were finally forced to kill it off when they went into bankruptcy, but it had been losing money for over 20 years and they just kept going further and further into the hole. We sometimes do the same thing in our families.

Real leaders are strong enough to admit that they made mistakes and try something else. We usually are afraid to try anything different because we are afraid that it may not work. This is especially true of something that is working "kinda ok" even if we are sure there must be a better way. The better way may be different from anything we have done before and might be scary. If it doesn't work you can always go back to the kinda ok way until you find something better. The problem is giving it a real serious effort instead of a half-hearted try takes a lot of work. As Christians we should take commitment very seriously (to Christ, the Church, our spouse, our children, keeping our word, etc), but in some of these areas at home we think we have to commit to doing things a certain way for the rest of our lives. We can decide that we are going to try a certain budgeting technique, homeschooling curriculum, diet, schedule, etc. for a certain period of time, a year, 6 months, or whatever we decide on as a family.

Go ahead and try to make something better in your family.