Like everyone else that has ever lived since Adam, I had a father who was not perfect. I believe in many ways he was better than most, but much of being that good father was new to him because his grandfather had abandoned his family and his father was good at providing physically, but not emotionally or spiritually. My dad struggled to overcome his past and his own weaknesses. He watched other good fathers and learned from them, read the Bible and other books to help him grow. He has told me about some of those things he learned, but I don’t know where he learned the thing that had the biggest impact in my memories of childhood discipline. I know it was not the way his father parented, but he learned it somewhere and I am glad he did. Let me tell you about one event that I remember vividly.

I was about 10-12 years old and it was winter in northern Colorado. My friends and I were building snow forts and making snowballs for a big snowball fight. My dad came out and knocked down the fort I was working on. I jumped up and chased him with a snowball. He ran back in the house and locked the door. Then he stood on the inside of the door and mocked me and made faces at me. I was angry. Very angry. I did the obvious thing, I threw my snowball as hard as I could right at his face. To my surprise and his too, the snowball (which was probably more of an ice ball) went straight through the screen door and broke the window right in his face. To say the least I was terrified. I don’t remember whether I was more afraid that he was hurt or that I was about to be, but I do know that my anger disappeared completely and immediately. I was sure that I was in sooooooooo much trouble. The shock came when after my dad, who turned out to not be badly hurt (just a few nicks around his face), apologized to me. He admitted to me that he had provoked me and he took the responsibility for the entire incident. I was stunned and still am when I remember it.

I have heard people say that you should never show weakness to your children, never apologize, put on a good front for the kids, etc. The fact of the matter is real people, kids included know that we are not perfect and pretending otherwise is hypocrisy of the worst kind. One of the most important things that we can teach our children is how to deal with the human condition of sin. They will not understand how or will not be willing to confess their sins, repent of their sins, and ask for forgiveness when they wrong others or God if we don’t teach them and show them how to do it. They will have to figure it out on their own later in life.

I know we all struggle with different areas in our lives, but there really are only a few root causes of sin. The Bible tells us that the "love of money is a root of all kinds of evil" 1 Timothy 6:20 ESV. The KJV says "the root of all evil" which is not the most accurate translation. "The" is not in the Greek and it only takes a moment to think of some sins that have nothing to do with money in fact some sins cost money, but in every category of sin there is some love of money as one of the roots. Those areas where sin is costing someone money there is someone making money off that sin as well. There are other roots of evil, hatred, anger, envy, lust, etc.

The one I want to focus on today is selfishness. This one like the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. What it basically boils down to is that we sometimes try to sit on God’s throne. Everyone who has ever lived (except Jesus) has fallen to selfishness and sinned because of it, probably multiple times. The sad thing about it is that thinking of self first is actually harmful to us. If we want to truly do what will be best for us selfishness is not the way.

Selfishness may involve time, money, power, bad habits, etc. As a father selfishness is destructive to the family. When we think of God as a Father one of the things we have to see is His selflessness. He loves and gives and goes the extra mile and sacrifices and suffers to do what is best for His family. Are you willing to do those things to be like Him?

I heard an extreme story, but it makes the point. There was a man whose family was down to their last $20 dollars for the month and they were out of groceries. He took the money and went to the store. He bought himself a steak and bought milk and cereal for his wife and kids. He could have bought some ingredients to make 2 or 3 meals for the same $20. Now, most of us realize the selfishness of this man, but do we recognize our own selfishness when we watch our favorite show and ignore the children, or spend our time on our favorite internet site and ignore our wives trying to tell us about their day, or we buy that new truck, motorcycle, gun, TV, etc. and then tell our ‘loved’ ones that there isn’t enough money for their toy, computer, piece of furniture, etc.

It is hard to face the fact that we are selfish, but we must face that fact if we are going to be better husbands and fathers. Pay attention this week to the things that you are doing that are selfish and determine to do as the scriptures teach. Philippians 2:3-5 "Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. (4) Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. (5) Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:"

The way a family relates is important. We should be aware of the constant struggle involved in making a properly functioning family where every member has an important role to play and feels necessary and loved without being egotistical or high and mighty. One of the reasons that it is a constant struggle is because things are constantly changing. Children are growing up, new ones are being added and even the adults are different with each passing day.

Another factor that affects the family dynamic are all the relationships between all of these moving parts. It is like a working engine and when one part is not working right it can damage other parts, or even destroy the whole thing. When a man and woman get married there is only one relationship between the two of them and then the two relationships that each of them have with God. Of course in a godless home they only have each other and oddly enough that one relationship is harder to maintain than the 3 relationships in the God-fearing home. When one child is added to the mix those 3 relationships quickly turn into 6 and a family of five has 15 relationships. By the time a family gets to the size that ours will soon be this year with 5 children there are 28 relationships just in the immediate family. Add grandparents and aunts, uncles, and cousins into the mix as well as considering that sometimes a small group can form a personality of its own and interact with another group (For example: Parents and children, boys and girls, etc.) the family truly becomes a very complex entity.

As the father of the family we also have the job of chief mechanic. We need to be paying constant attention to the each individual part in the family as well as how it is working with the other parts and that can seem like an overwhelming task, but we can do it if we remember that the Lord is working with us. Remember earlier when we said that the godly couple had less trouble than the godless couple. The reason that is true is that as we each work on our relationship with God that relationship not only acts as what holds our family together ( nuts, bolts, welds, rivets, and screws) but also the lubricants (oil, grease, etc.), and liquids (anti-freeze, transmission fluid, brake fluid, power steering fluid, etc.) that make it possible for those parts to move without too much friction or wear and tear on the parts. In addition to those things, our relationship with God is the fuel and the spark that gives us the power to go and keep going. If you are having problems with one of the relationships in your family the reason is that at least one of the people in the relationship is having problems in his or her relationship with God.

I am not talking about a disagreement over where to go for dinner or what game to play, those are tastes and preferences that are not and should not always be the same because those differences give us the opportunity to grow and learn to compromise and get along with different personalities. When there is a constant anger and bickering, however, there is a problem that must be worked on. Unfortunately, in some families those problems are allowed to become so severe that the problem part has to be removed for the sake of the other parts, but the pain caused by these things remains.

Think of it this way, a friend of mine had an air conditioner compressor that locked up and broke a belt. We had to remove the compressor, and since he could not afford to replace it right then, buy a shorter belt that would fit the new configuration. This caused a fair amount of suffering, because it gets hot in Alabama without A/C and when he did get the money to fix it there was an increased expense because of the need to replace Freon and the dryer and other parts of the system that had been damaged. It was not ideal, but at least they had transportation. Now imagine that compressor was a spouse that committed adultery, or a 20 year-old child that got hooked on drugs and wouldn’t even try to stop. Of course, each family has to decide how to deal with these kinds of things and when to cut their losses. My friend could have continued driving the car without a belt, but he would have soon destroyed the entire engine because the belt also turned the water pump on his vehicle. He could have put another belt on, but the compressor would have simply destroyed that belt as well. On the other hand, I had a belt break on a vehicle that only affected the power steering. For a while I drove without power steering and dealt with that small hardship. I could have driven that way indefinitely. Another time the belt controlled the alternator, I was able to drive far enough to get some help, but could not have continued to drive that way without replacing $100-dollar batteries every few days. I guess what I am saying is that none of us are perfect and none of our relationships and families will be either, but we have to depend on the one who is to make the whole thing work and we can deal with some of the imperfections while other things are too destructive to the family to be allowed. The key to all of those problems lies in our relationships with God.

(Exo 19:5) Now therefore, if ye will obey my voice indeed, and keep my covenant, then ye shall be a PECULIAR treasure unto me above all people: for all the earth is mine:

(Deu 7:6) For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God: the LORD thy God hath chosen thee to be a SPECIAL people unto himself, above all people that are upon the face of the earth.

(Deu 14:2) For thou art an holy people unto the LORD thy God, and the LORD hath chosen thee to be a PECULIAR people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the earth.

(Deu 26:18) And the LORD hath avouched thee this day to be his PECULIAR people, as he hath promised thee, and that thou shouldest keep all his commandments;

(Psa 135:4) For the LORD hath chosen Jacob unto himself, and Israel for his PECULIAR treasure.

(Tit 2:14) Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a PECULIAR people, zealous of good works.

(1Pe 2:9) But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a PECULIAR people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:

After reading these verses ask yourself this question: Do I really believe God will be satisfied with me living a "normal" life?

I am so sick of being normal and being expected to be normal, I want to be weird, peculiar, unique, different, unusual, strange, abnormal, extraordinary, excellent because I belong to God, not this world. And I don’t care what anyone else says about me, I want God to know I am His and no one else’s. He made me and He bought me and He can do anything He wants to with me and I will not resist Him, rather I will help Him any way I can.

How do you decide whether you are a good father and husband? Perhaps you
have noticed or even been following the story of the Powell family from Utah.
The drama ended when the father killed himself and his two sons in a house fire.
It is fairly evident that the missing mother was killed by him as well. Now we
find out that long before (2 years) these events the police had found disturbing
images of parent-child incestuous relationships on his computer. It was not
established how deeply involved in this kind of demented behavior Mr. Powell was
and we will probably never know. This man was obviously a horrible husband and
father, but it was not realized until too late.


Let me point out just a couple of things. First, as rotten to the core as
this guy was his boys still apparently loved him. According to the social worker
who was there, the boys rushed into the house to see their dad allowing him to
slam the door and lock her out. Some fathers don’t realize just how much impact
they have on their children. Apparently, This man’s father had some kind of
impact on him as well. The grandfather had been involved with child pornography
even to the point of recording some himself. Think of the difference between
what Abraham passed on to Isaac and what this man was passing on to his son.
Considering what was being passed from father to son in this family, and
assuming that the boys were still young enough to be innocent and safe in God’s
eyes, perhaps he did them a favor. It is a shocking thought and certainly some
of their family will miss them, but they may now be better off than living and
being influenced by this man.


Second, here is the key: it is easy to compare ourselves to this man and
think highly of ourselves. I haven’t killed my wife, so I must be a good
husband. I haven’t victimized my children or killed them so I am a good father.
These are the kind of rationalizations that we make and the kind of comparisons
that we make to feel better about ourselves rather than honestly and objectively
assessing our strengths and weaknesses. There is always someone horrible to
point at that is worse than me. Sometimes we can even say we are doing better
than most others, but that should never be our goal. We need to strive for
excellence, even perfection. We have to judge ourselves by God’s standards, not
by the average American husband or father.


God sets guidelines to achieve a higher quality than the world.


Rom 12:2  And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the
renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and
perfect, will of God.


Eph 6:4  And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them
up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.


Mat 5:48  Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is
perfect.

I hardly ever go to movies at the theater, and I rarely recommend movies
especially not one that is rated PG-13, but I have to make an exception for a
movie that was in theaters this past fall and is coming out January 13 on DVD.
The movie is Courageous. It was made by the same group that produced
Flywheel, Facing the Giants, and Fireproof. They are all
good, exceptionally clean movies with a moral and religious tone to them. The
Kendrick Brothers, who wrote, produced and acted in the movies, are from a
Baptist church in Georgia, so some of their theology is askew, but the emphasis
they put on family, faith, marriage, and parenting (Fatherhood particularly,
especially in Courageous) is worth the problems in acting skill and
cinematography, etc.


Flywheel was about a hypocritical car salesman who decides to turn
his life around. It was never rated and never widely released in theaters.


Facing the Giants, a story about a struggling football coach who puts
his trust in God, received a PG rating because the coach has a discussion with
one of the players about Jesus and choosing to follow Him. They decided that
some people might be offended by the conversation and so they wouldn’t give it a
G rating.


Fireproof is a story about a firefighter who is struggling with his
marriage and also received a PG because of the dramatic firefighting scenes.


If you haven’t seen them, I would recommend any of them as good family
entertainment with a teaching edge. Just keep in mind that they are from a
denominational viewpoint, which is also true for the newest movie they
produced.


Courageous is a movie I think every father in America should see (men
who expect to be fathers someday, moms, and young ladies who are looking for a
man to be father to their children and pretty much anybody else that I haven’t
covered.). Some will ask why it is PG-13 if it is such a good, clean,
religiously-themed movie. Quite simply, it is about police officers and their
lives are not G-rated. There is NO foul language in the film even though there
is a gang and drug dealers. Even though there are drug references it is not
portrayed in a positive way like it is in many movies that Hollywood produces,
rather the pain and suffering that it causes is highlighted. There is NO nudity,
sexual scenes or even immoral innuendo. There is some mild violence including a
shoot out between the police and drug dealers, but there is no blood and guts
gore.


Watching this movie made me realize the shortcomings that I have as a father
and encouraged me to work on being a better father. If you make it through with
dry eyes you are a more heartless man than I am.


If you haven’t seen one of these movies put it on your list, and put it high
enough that it will get done.