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It is good to get advice from people who have traveled the road that you are going to travel. They can warn you of dangers. As the saying goes ‘hindsight is 20/20'. Here is an article from Phil Sanders who has adult children. He looks back at some of the things he wishes he had done better when they were young. You can find more helpful articles at focuspress. - jp
http://www.focuspress.org/files/Articles/July__08_think_pgs_12___13.doc
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It is an uncomfortable discussion. There is embarrassment, defensiveness, lying, anger, pride, and a host of other emotions when people discuss any temptation with which they struggle. Those things are multiplied when the discussion is about sexual temptation and sexual sin. We try to avoid the subject and in the process allow it to continue in millions of lives unchecked. We won't talk to our children about the temptations out there and they may already have been exposed and in danger. The devil has used sexuality successfully against: the first man - Adam chose Eve over obedience to God; the strongest man - Samson lost his God-given strength because of Delilah; the most spiritual of men - David was the man after God's own heart, but he fell into lust and bigamy; and even the wisest man - Solomon gathered 1000 women in his harem and they eventually turned his heart from the Lord.
You probably realize that internet pornography is rampant in our society. Hardly a day goes by that there is not a news story about some problem with it. There are computers infected with viruses by it constantly. There are people who lose their jobs and/or their reputations because of it. One man recently was stabbed and killed when his wife caught him looking at child porn(It would be hard to convict her). What can we do to protect our families from this devilish attack? We have talked about Covenant Eyes before and I still believe it is the best way to know what is coming into your household's electronic devices. You can for a small monthly fee set up several accounts for monitoring. It is different from a filter. a filter will simply block access to certain sites and while that may be a good thing in some ways it does not train children to be responsible and choose what is right. With monitoring the muscle of choosing not to go certain places is developed. Our son and I also recently made the choice to quit using Internet Explorer and use Chrome so that we could add an ad blocker. Many of the ads are benign, but many others are inappropriate and of a sexual nature. The ad blocker and use of Chrome limits our exposure to certain things that might be tempting. I am proud of our son for making this choice. I don't know if I would have made the same choice when I was young. One last thing if you still have your head stuck in the sand and think that it won't be a problem for your boys, or you think because you have girls instead of boys it is not anything to worry about here are some recent statistics from Covenant Eyes as well as some additional information on this subject. While it is true that boys and men are much more involved in these sinful activities, girls are not immune. Stats and Information - jp Here is an article on how we define success. What if you get to the top of the ladder only to find that it was leaning against the wrong wall? This article is worth our time and attention. There are many more available at www.focuspress.org - jp
http://www.focuspress.org/files/Articles/July__08_think_pgs_22_23proofedjp_edit.doc My grandfather had a wife and 9 daughters (my mother is the oldest) and no sons. Now that I have four daughters, I begin to wonder if maybe my grandfather, who died before I was born, died young because of an overdose of female hormones in the house. It is hard for us as men to understand women’s emotions and the hormonal swings of their monthly cycle, but it is important for us to do the best we can. My daughters are still quite young, but there is already more daily drama at our house than in many Hollywood studios. My wife is usually pretty level headed and not overly dramatic, but occasionally she gets caught up like all women in the hormonal hurricane.
As the head of the house it is my responsibility to firmly and lovingly keep these problems from getting out of hand. Peter, who was married and raised faithful children - 1 Peter 5:1, gives us one of the keys to a happy relationship with our wives. He says in 1 Peter 3:7, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.” The old G. I. Joe cartoon (1985) used to always end with a scene to teach kids to do right and they would always say, “Now you know, and knowing is half the battle”. Knowledge is power the saying goes. It is essential for us as husbands and fathers to have as much knowledge about the women and girls as possible. We can’t treat our wives’ like one of the guys and we can’t treat our daughters like sons. While we have to be sensitive to the differences between men and women, we can’t allow these differences to be excuses for ugly behavior. I have heard so many times the excuse that PMS made a woman act a certain way that was sinful. It is true that there are challenges for your wife and daughters that you will never fully understand and that you will never face as a man, but the same is true on the other side. As a man there are desires and temptations that your wife will not fully understand. We can’t use gender as an excuse to commit sin, and we can’t excuse sinful behavior in ourselves, our spouse, or our children because of hormones and hormone changes. Jesus went through puberty and still He was without sin, and there is no other hormone effect like puberty. God created us and He knows our limits. He has not allowed us to be tempted, even by hormones, beyond what we can overcome - 1 Corinthians 10:13. If we coddle our daughters, which is sooo easy for fathers to do, they will become spoiled, selfish, moody princesses who make life miserable for everyone around them. That is not what we want and we have to fight ourselves to keep that from happening. - jp If our children are going to remain faithful to God in a time of trials and persecution there are some things we have to do to prepare them for something we have never faced before. One of those things is . . .
Examining Extreme Examples of Endurance. Imagine with me what it would have been like to be a faithful Jew in the days of righteous King Hezekiah. He reigned for 29 years and worshiped God with all his heart. He encouraged worship, cleansed the temple, tore down the places of false religion, etc. Going to the temple was a wonderful experience and the priests and prophets were respected. Being Jewish religiously was something honorable and it was shameful to be anything else. That is what being a Christian in the United States has been like for the past century. There have been problems, and being a member of the church of Christ was not quite like being in some of the denominations that were more prominent. Overall however, things have leaned toward morality and virtues for the greater part of the 20th century. We have had laws in place that protected religious freedom and benefitted religion in general. Now, let’s imagine a different Israel. What would it have been like to have tried to live as a faithful Jew in the days of wicked King Manasseh? He reigned for 55 years and it was a reign of terror. He sacrificed his own son to a false god. If he would do that to his son what do you think he would do to you if you went against him. There is a legend that says that he put Isaiah in a log and then cut it and him in half. Some believe that is referenced in Hebrews 11:37. Second Kings chapter 21 explains that he did more wicked things than the heathen Canaanites that had been destroyed so that the Israelites could have the land. He put idols and altars to false gods in God’s temple, and killed so many innocent people that it says Jerusalem was filled with the blood he shed. How hard would it have been to be a faithful Jew under those circumstances? You could not go to the temple because it had been confiscated by the king for use by false religions. How would you find a priest to perform a sacrifice or anything else the religion requires? Where would you hear the law taught if you did not have a copy of your own, which you probably wouldn’t? How would you find friends who were like-minded? Who could you safely talk to about your faith? If you can imagine what that would have been like, then you can see the direction we are headed in America as we move deeper into the 21st century. We are leaving the reign of Hezekiah and entering the reign of Manasseh. Realize that Manasseh did not do all of those wicked things in the first year. I imagine that it deteriorated as the years went by until it hit rock bottom. We should not expect to wake up next Sunday to find the church doors chained, but that is certainly the desire of a portion of society. While the majority would not vote for such a thing today, chances are many would not do much to stop that kind of thing. As we move into a time like this we have a choice: we and our children can gripe and moan and whine that we didn’t live in the days of Hezekiah, or we can impress our selves and our children with the Esther factor, that perhaps God put us here in this time and this place because we have an important role to play. I don’t know about you, but I am convinced that the second is the way to live a life that is pleasing to God. If you look to the Scriptures you will find a multitude of accounts of people who were faithful under extreme persecution or in the face of godless surroundings. We look to heroes like Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Moses, Joshua and Caleb, Gideon, David, Elijah, Daniel, Shadrach, Meschach, Abednego, Jeremiah, Esther, Peter, James, John, Stephen, Paul, and others who triumphed against the wickedness that surrounded them. When we look at persecution we have to change the way we look at it. The first century church had an amazing view of this. Notice what Paul says in Philippians and let it sink in. Philippians 1:27-29 says, “Only let your conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ: that whether I come and see you, or else be absent, I may hear of your affairs, that ye stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel; (28) And in nothing terrified by your adversaries: which is to them an evident token of perdition, but to you of salvation, and that of God. (29) For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;” Notice verse 29 talks of two blessings that were given to them one was faith which we all know is a wonderful thing from God, but the other is not what we usually think of as a blessing or gift. Look at that verse closely, Paul says that not only has it been given them to believe on Jesus, but also (they get a special gift) to suffer for Him. Have you ever felt that God was neglecting you because He had left suffering out of the list of gifts and blessings that He has poured out on you? I know I never have. If we and our children are going to remain faithful through times of persecution we are going to have to look at persecution as an opportunity to be blessed by God. If we continue to have the attitude that we should never suffer for being Christians then we will quit when Christians begin to suffer. We are going to have to look at those martyrs in the Old and New Testaments with more than the token respect we have given them in the past, but with a desire to follow in the footsteps of their faith, a faith that rejoiced at being counted worthy of suffering for God - Acts 5:41. In a society full of people who won’t go to worship God because: it is too hot, it is too cold, it is raining, it is dark, I don’t want to bother someone for a ride, I don’t have anything to wear, I don’t want to miss _________(fill in the blank with any tv show, sporting event, etc.), someone hurt my feelings, I was up too late Saturday night, etc., etc., etc.; How would they ever even consider worshiping God if there were some real problem like persecution or breaking the law involved. Someone I went to college with said she thought that if the government tried to take the freedom away that people would rise up and stand for the right to worship like many have over efforts to increase gun control. I hope she is right and I am sure some would, but the majority, I think, would just roll over and go the easy way. There are not many Daniels in the world, but I want to train my son to be like him. There are not many Esthers in the world, but I want to train my daughters to be like her. Who are training your children to be? - jp James and Dawn Pasley had the opportunity to teach lessons in Pineville, LA during their series on the family. Their topic was 'When a House of 2 Becomes a House of 7'. James' lesson to the men was 'Who Is Building Your Home?'. Dawn's lesson to the women was 'Maintaining Spiritual Growth as the Family Grows Physically'. You can listen to them below or download them. You can also download his outline and resource list or her Powerpoint and resource list. For the Men: Who Is Building Your Home? - James Pasley
For the Women: Maintaining Spiritual Growth as the Family Grows Physically - Dawn Pasley
If our children are going to remain faithful to God in a time of trials and persecution there are some things we have to do to prepare them for something we have never faced before. One of those things is . . .
Not only that Government Is NOT God, but also that Submitting to Society Is Satan’s Scheme. Sorry to go back, but this is a work in progress and I realized that I did not adequately touch on the subject that ended section 3a. That part ended with the idea that wanting to fit in makes it hard to stand against your peers to do what is right. The Bible is really pretty clear about this point. “Do not be conformed to this world”(Romans 12:2), “in the world, but not of the world”(John 17:11-18), “come out from among them and be separate”(2 Corinthians 6:17), “do not be like them”(Matthew 6:7-8), and other passages teach us that if we are going to be right with God then we will not be in agreement with the world. This is one of the most difficult things that we are called on to do. God created us to be social creatures and with a desire for companionship. He even said it is not good for the man to be alone. He was talking specifically about the man needing a companion and then made him a wife, but we see the negative results of people being isolated from human contact even today. People literally lose their sanity when there is no one to talk to and associate with on a regular basis. Even though it is necessary, the pressure from social settings can be overwhelming. The stress that many struggle with is over their relationships with others. The pressure to fit in, conform, to be like others is powerful like a rushing river. Have you ever gone rafting or canoeing, not in a lake or still creek, but in a fast moving river? It is easy to go downstream. It is not terribly difficult to move toward one side or the other as you go downstream. But what about going upstream? Even with two strong young men in the canoe, I remember the near impossibility of even stopping the downstream motion much less moving against that strong current to go back upstream to help someone who had turned over. Now think about the way society rushes down the stream of life. I see these same kinds of things in social interaction. It is easy to go downstream swiftly, some are paddling to move even faster than the current naturally takes them and seem to be leading the charge. It is not that difficult to move from side to side. We don’t have to do everything just like everyone else to be accepted. A few differences just make us quirky or a little unique. There is usually a wide range of socially acceptable choices. The river is wide and sometimes even splits around an island or rock to come back together farther downstream. As long as you are moving in the same general direction nobody cares. Some try to slow down and fight against how fast things are moving, and they are ridiculed. They are living in the past and need to get with the times. Even though they are the butt of many jokes, they are still accepted as long as they are moving along even if they are going slower. This is where the church in America has been for about 100 years. We as a group have drifted slowly the direction the world has been going, but we have held back and not moved as fast. Unfortunately, that is not what God calls us to do. God calls us to move upstream toward Him. Just last night in Bible Class one member admitted that she had been living with her head in the sand about the homosexual marriage issue. If all who claim to be Christians had stood up strongly at the beginning of this surge, it might have been stopped, but now it is like trying to stop a tsunami. That doesn’t mean that we throw up our hands and say ‘if you can’t beat them join them’, but it does sometimes feel like ‘The Charge of the Light Brigade’. Being faithful to God and winning the war against Satan is important even if we lose some of the battles, even if we lose our privileges, rights, freedom, or lives, we fight because we want to be on God’s side. He has already won and those on His side will be victorious with Him, 1 John 2:13-14; 4:4; 5:4-5. God wants a peculiar people, not a people that is not quite like everybody else, but a people that is just weird. We encourage our children to aim for weirdness. In so many areas of life normal is worthless. Why is it most parents don’t encourage their kids to aim for average grades or a career that will bring them an average income. They don’t want their kids on the average team. They don’t want them to be average in their looks. They don’t want them to marry someone who is average. They don’t want average or normal in many areas, so why not encourage them to excel spiritually and not be average. God has a term for the average Christian, He calls them lukewarm and they make Him sick at His stomach , Revelation3:15-16. Someone who has been cooled off and watered down by the world and has become worse than worthless to Him. Did you notice that God even says He would prefer for that person to be all the way cold? God calls on us to overcome the world, and makes some precious promises to those who do. Maybe we should spend some time looking at the reward for not being mediocre or being tainted by the world. Several of these are mentioned in Revelation: * 2:7 - eat of the tree of life in paradise * 2:11 - not be hurt by the second death (hell) * 2:17 - eat the hidden manna, get a white stone with a secret name on it * 2:26 - given power over the nations to rule, receive the morning star * 3:5 - clothed in white clothing, have name in the book of life and have Jesus confess name before His Father and the angels * 3:12 - be a (pillar) permanent part in God’s temple and never leave it, have God’s name and the name of His city and Jesus’ new name written on us * 3:21 - be allowed to sit with Jesus on His throne * 21:7 - inherit ALL things, be heirs (sons) of God In addition to these things, being faithful to Him will bring the blessings of: receiving a crown of life - 2:10, being worthy to walk with Jesus - 3:4, having a door opened for us that can’t be closed - 3:8, having others know that Jesus loves us - 3:9, being shielded from certain temptations or trials - 3:10, sharing a meal with Jesus - 3:20, drinking freely from the fountain of the water of life. On the other hand, those who are fearful and succumb to the world will forfeit all of the things above and have their place in the burning lake of fire and brimstone - 21:8. Revelation was written to Christians who faced persecution and were fighting behind enemy lines. These saints were struggling with the temptation to just give in and become part of the world and that makes it a great book of encouragement as we face those same struggles and temptations. Some of them overcame and so can we and so can our children, but we have to see that the things God offers are worth sacrificing the things that Satan and the world promise. Being weird is worth it if there is a payoff, sacrifice is worth it if there is a benefit at the end. We may even have to be looked at as weird by other Christians, remember 600K left Egypt and only 2 made it to the promised land. Somehow I don’t think that Joshua and Caleb just suddenly became weird at the end. I bet they were different all along the way. I hope that more than 2 out of every 600K Christians make it to heaven, but what are you doing to make sure your family would be one of the 2. How many of the Israelites, do you suppose, thought they were just as good as the other Israelites that left Egypt? How many of those average Israelites made it to the promised land? The more I learn about the Bible the more I believe God wants us to be so weird that the whole world is talking about it - Romans 1:8. I am reminded of a story I heard years ago about a young lady who was going off to college. Her mother was concerned that as a Christian going to a state school she would face some teasing or worse. The mother tried to warn her daughter of the possible dangers that awaited her in a place where most of the people would not be Christians. After listening for a few minutes the teenager tried to comfort her mothers concerns by saying that her mom shouldn’t worry because they will probably never know that I am a Christian. Not much comfort in that, but more truth than we like to admit in many cases. If they can’t tell that you are a Christian, it is likely because you are not. Instead of being like this foolish girl, let’s actually become God’s peculiar people - Titus 2:14, 1 Peter 2:9. jp If you have a daughter you need to take 45 minutes and go listen to Dave Ramsey’s interview with Dr. Meg Meeker. She is a pediatrician who has studied the relationships between fathers and daughters for years. She authored a book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. She has two great messages for fathers: 1) Dads are more important to their children than they realize. And 2) Don’t parent out of fear. The book is also worth the $10 that they are charging for it on Dave’s site for a limited time.
The interview is on the first hour of the show from Wednesday, January 16, 2013. You can skip the commercials and it will be about 30 minutes long. Just go HERE and then select the January 16th show from the dropdown list. The show will only be available for about a week or two so go listen soon. To see the difference a dad can make let me show you what happened in our family just this week. My wife has been exercising quite a bit since the twins were born. I decided about a week ago that I needed to lose some weight and exercise. It has been amazing to see the kids wanting to get on the Wii Fit and exercise the past few days when they never did one time since the twins were born before I started exercising. If our children are going to remain faithful to God in a time of trials and persecution there are some things we have to do to prepare them for something we have never faced before. One of those things is . . . Focus on the Future of Heaven.
We live in a society obsessed with instant gratification. Most people have trouble paying attention to a 20 minute sitcom on TV and some probably can’t make it through the 30 second commercials. We want our food ready in under 5 minutes. We want a pill that will make the pounds melt away or better yet liposuction to suck the pounds away in an afternoon. We want to win the lottery or a sweepstakes or get an inheritance and be rich. We want the newest computer gadget, fashion, car, fad, entertainment experience, etc. We want everything right now, but there are some things that don’t work that way. Stephen Covey uses the principle of the farm to help us understand that in the spiritual realm right now won’t work. Just as a farmer can’t wait until September to plow, plant, fertilize, do pest and weed control, and water if he expects a harvest in October, we can’t live a life of selfishness and instant gratification and expect to be able to harvest joy, peace, and patience. We can’t live like the devil and expect to spend eternity with God. We can’t raise our children to be materialistic, selfish, arrogant, worldly, immodest, spoiled brats and then think that at 18 or 21 or 25 or some other magic age they will automatically become spiritual, selfless, humble, godly, modest, kind saints. It takes hard work to scrub away the grime and the longer it has been hardening the more scrubbing it takes to get it off, like oatmeal dried in a pot for days(I would not recommend cooking oatmeal and then leaving the remnants in the pot for days, just some friendly advice from the voice of experience). The problem is that everyone lives for the right now. Everyone says you only have one life to live so make the most of it. That is not true! We have two lives to live, one here on Earth and another to be determined by the way we live this one, in either Heaven or Hell. Even if both lives were of equal length it would not make sense to live the lives of reckless abandon that is becoming the norm. How much more pointless is it then when we consider that this life is but a speck of time compared to the one to come. Romans 8:13-18 reminds us not to compare them equally. Are we truly naive enough to think that we and our children can be and do and have everything that the worldly people are and do and have and yet by some miracle not be worldly people. Do we think because we call America a Christian nation that 2 Corinthians 6:13-18 doesn’t apply anymore. The fact of the matter is that we have got to start looking past this world and its pleasures. What if our kids didn’t get to watch cartoons? Would that be so bad? What if they didn’t go to the mall or the movies with friends when they wanted to go? What if they didn’t get to play that sport, be in that club, learn ballet or karate? What if we didn’t go out to McDonald’s? What if they didn’t get to ___________(put your child’s favorite activity in the blank)? Would we be horrible parents? Now let me ask one more. What if they did get to do all of those things and more, but didn’t get to go to Heaven? That doesn’t mean that every activity is evil, but does it cause such a distraction or such a desire, or take time that should be spent on spiritual development in such a way that it hinders spiritual growth. I heard one father say recently that he didn’t care if his kids were not the most athletic, the best spellers, the most artistic, the smartest with the best grades, etc. he wanted them to be the best Christians. Now Christianity is not a competition like football or a spelling bee, but what if the world got to the point that it was in Noah’s day and there was only one family that was right with God. Would you want that one family to be your family? What if we live in a city that becomes like Sodom and Gomorrah? What if we can’t just move to another town because they are all that way? Would you be the one family that God would try to save? What if things were like in Elijah’s day? Would you be one of the 7000 that didn’t bow the knee to Baal? What if you are in a church like the one Moses led out of Egypt? When everyone starts throwing their hands up and quitting will you join them or speak up and stand up like Joshua and Caleb? If we don’t have our sights set on Heaven we will fail when the tough times come, and if the world is in our hearts like it was in Lot’s wife’s we will never escape. Do not be deceived God is not mocked, whatever a man sows is what he will reap. Galatians 6:7-9 reminds us of the spiritual law of the farm. We need to remind ourselves and our children not only with words or songs, but with actions that this world is not our home. We are just traveling through on our way to somewhere better, Heaven, Hebrews 8:11-16. Don’t miss out by having too much here, and not making it there. Keep your focus on that unseen city. Fathers, have you considered the following passage of scripture, especially verse 12?
2 Timothy 3:10-13 But thou hast fully known my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, longsuffering, charity, patience, (11) Persecutions, afflictions, which came unto me at Antioch, at Iconium, at Lystra; what persecutions I endured: but out of them all the Lord delivered me. (12) Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution. (13) But evil men and seducers shall wax worse and worse, deceiving, and being deceived. Now that you have read it, are you wondering why you are not suffering persecution? Are you living godly in Christ Jesus? Are you preparing your children to face persecution? Take a look at the series we have started entitled “Behind Enemy Lines” to learn more about what to do to get ready for persecution. As a father, you are the captain of your ship, you are responsible for those on board, and you have to do everything you can to make sure they are up to the challenge. We need to understand a few things about the persecution Paul speaks of in this passage. 1. Not all will suffer the same persecution or the same amount of persecution and certainly not at the same time. 2. No one, not even Paul, faced continual persecution. We may just be in the calm before the storm. Even Paul had times where he was able to stay and teach and preach for a period of months or even years without problems. When we read the book of Acts and see all the persecution he did face we sometimes forget that it was over a period of years, not a matter of days. We think of it all like a movie or TV show where the hero is out of the frying pan into the fire constantly. There certainly were some sequences in Paul’s life that were one after the other, but we also need to remember that God specifically chose him and actually said that he would have to suffer much for the name of Christ, Acts 9:16. 3. Some will try to avoid persecution by sacrificing faithfulness to Christ in one way or another. They will not admit such, but rationalize (rational lies) it. Galatians 6:12 As many as desire to make a fair shew in the flesh, they constrain you to be circumcised; only lest they should suffer persecution for the cross of Christ. 4. The righteous have escaped a large amount of persecution up to now in America for two reasons: a) There has been an atmosphere of desiring to follow God in the history of this country. That has changed. Wicked men are generally cowards and will not strike out when they are in the minority, Proverbs 28:1. They like to get mobs, or do things in secret, through legal trickery, deceit, etc. We are entering that stage in America. The president is doing background checks to make sure that no preacher who leads a prayer at his inauguration has ever preached that homosexuality is a sin! How long before the consequences of speaking the truth on this issue will be life threatening. b) There is a proliferation of denominationalism (many churches) - the more targets there are the less likely you are to be hit - statistically, the centralization of many churches(a headquarters that can be attacked) - the autonomous nature of the Lord's church makes it harder to attack, the increase in using government laws and courts - things are pushed "legally" and many simply capitulate without ever putting up a fight (consider the health care mandate hundreds of businesses owned by those claiming Christianity and hundreds of 'Christian' nonprofit groups are not even objecting to having to pay for the abortion pill), the watering down of the teaching of many churches losing the idea of absolute right and wrong even to the point of not saying Jesus is the only way to heaven (others assume that we are like those churches) we have not yet been targeted in an organized way. |